alivehawk1701

I just got an e mail from my bank saying my new credit card will be showing up in the mail in a week. They originally told me four days. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do till then. I also have a bunch of wet laundry sitting around in my bathroom.

I miss when I didn't have to worry about this shit. I have autopay on my phone and they usually take the $$$ out on the 23rd. I tried to call their office to warn them about my card having to be shut down and that I will give them the necessary info about the new card when I get it but that office is closed on the weekends. I hope to fuck they won't cut me off, I will try to call them tomorrow.

I spent yesterday morning trying to get things straightened out with PG&E because the stupid fucking post office lost my electric bill payment which I mailed out over a week ago. I paid it over the phone and I decided I'm just going to keep doing that. (Last time I did this was shortly before I went into the hospital for my leg surgery because I didn't know how long I'd be in there for and I didn't want the bill hanging over my head).
Then I got some groceries because this Mexican restaurant I really liked took camarones diablo off their menu so I decided to look up the recipe to see if I could make it myself and it turns out it's not a complicated recipe at all and I already had shrimps so I just needed tomatoes, onions and a jalapeno to make the sauce. (I use onions a lot in my cooking so I run low on them regularly.)
Then after I dropped off the groceries at home I went to the Chinese restaurant near the Rockridge bart station for lunch and then I went bookstore hopping and picked up this cool book about Oscar Wilde, he's one of my favorite writers and I already have all his books so I might as well get books about him.
I can't believe how cold it was yesterday. I know some people will look up the temperature for that day and say it was nothing but it was COLD by bay area standards. I wore a coat and a heavy sweater under it and I was still cold, I was glad to hang out at Schmidt's pub because they have a fireplace.

I am so tired. I had to go to the drugstore and physical therapy and the grocery store in the damn rain. Because I was in so much pain I was kind of snappy with this nice girl coming into my apt bldg and now I feel kind of guilty about it. I wish I had a car.

I have to be honest here. The main reason I wanted to go to the deYoung so much yesterday was because I love art and I wanted to cheer myself up for reasons other than hurting my shoulder in that accident. Valentine's day gets on my nerves because I've had no boyfriend for DECADES. I pretend not to let it bother me but it stinks. I want anybody reading this to know I don't hate men. I like men. I have lots of men friends. Also, I'm a feminist but I'm not whatever the female equivalent of an incel is. I do NOT think men owe me sex. NOBODY OWES ANYBODY SEX. That being said, men are not sexually or romantically attracted to me at all. There are two reasons for this and I can't change either one of them:

1. I look really bad. It is not all in my head. People who don't even know me say horrible things to me. If you look at my old passport I have a really sour expression because the photographer said something very insulting to me right before he took the picture. Also, I've seen people who look even worse than I do who are absolutely convinced they're gorgeous and I can tell you right now gaslighting yourself like that doesn't fool anyone but yourself. It just makes you seem like an egotistical idiot.
2. I'm nuts. Not in a dangerous way, I'm just on the stupid fucking autism spectrum, I wouldn't hurt anybody but I can't hold down any sort of a job and men are not attracted to women who are crazier than they are (unless they look like a model or something, and even then they often don't stick around for very long)

Not much going on here right now, unless something unusual happens I'm going to the deYoung tomorrow.